TL;DR Death is the ultimate truth of life. One day our time will come, and we will be stripped of everything we own. We know we cannot live forever.
Or can we? And how is that related to leadership?
A S Bedair
One year ago, on Wednesday, November 18, 2020, at around 07:40am, my dear father, Prof. Dr. Ahmed Samy Bedair, passed away. Even though one year later his passing remains very painful, we find solace in the fact that his suffering ended, and he is in much more merciful hands than ours now.
It all happened extremely fast: just 6 weeks before he was complaining from minor back pain, which we thought indicated a bulging disc at worst. Instead, it turned out to be several spine metastases of an aggressive, highly invasive bladder cancer that had already spread into his lungs, liver, spine, and lymph nodes. The once active man with a loud voice and a contagious laugh suddenly became bedridden and hospitalized, and it took only a couple of weeks for his organs to fail - one after the other. He joined his mother, who he loved and missed dearly, in her eternal rest just one day before her death anniversary.
He was an exceptional mentor throughout my whole life. His love was unconditional and playful - yet his principles were clear and unnegotiable. I knew he would always have my back in whatever I did, but he always made sure I got a piece of his mind in case we disagreed.
However, his final lecture on those 6 weeks was much more subtle, and paradoxically, much more powerful. It was through seeing the impact of how he walked the talk and led a purpose-driven life that I finally gained clarity around some of those principles. I share them in this series of 3 short posts, hoping this will help me focus on what matters going forward.
Lesson #1: Achieving immortality
Sitting by his bedside in his final days, I realized how purposefully my father led his daily life. Being a husband, a father, a university professor, and a doctor, he focused on what would outlive him in the 3 surest ways he knew: giving charitably, sharing his knowledge, and serving others.
When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: a ceaseless charity, beneficial knowledge, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him. - Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)
For one, he was a generous donor. More than his money, he gave his time and energy. It was always time for something: blankets in the winter, clothes for back-to-school season, food essentials for Ramadan, meat for the feast celebrations etc. He got involved himself, buying the most suitable merchandise he could find. But more importantly, he always managed to convince those around him, including his family, friends, even the traders he bought from and helpers he recruited to join the cause and add a few extra units - each according to his ability. After his death, we heard even more stories than we knew about. He just did it naturally and with the purest of intentions.
1 year later, his charity is continuing and already outlived him.
Second, he was always eager to acquire, develop, and share new knowledge. One of his students used to call him the “surgeon scientist”; another reminisced with him during his sickness about their struggles to develop a technical simulator, and their celebrations when it was adopted nationwide. He was never pleased with the status quo, which inspired his students as much as it drove them crazy.
More importantly than innovate, however, is how he taught with a rare passion and dedication. I remember how excited he was preparing for his courses, meticulously fine-tuning every little detail. The words, pictures, colors, and even soundtrack were tools he loved to play with to ensure his message is memorable and useful. He always added props and simulations so that his students can apply what they hear. Even in his last days, despite undergoing heavy treatment on his frail body, he would ask me to write down thoughts he had to improve some of his materials and develop new ones.
His knowledge was and will continue to be beneficial insofar it will outlive him in the hearts and minds of his students.
Finally, he was convinced that all his resources are best used when serving others. This applies to his family, which got the lion’s share of his energy, love, and life. But it also applied to his professional life. Again, we were overwhelmed by the countless stories from his students, colleagues, and patients that emerged, be it when they worryingly visited him in the hospital, or when they shared them with us and on social media after his passing.
By time, it gets clearer that the wishes and prayers of those he served will far outlive him.
It is worth noting that I was similarly inspired by the same selflessness the doctors, nurses, and hospital staff exhibited when serving him in his last days. My utmost respect and gratitude to all healthcare workers out there who go out of their ways to ensure their patients’ wellbeing, particularly in the challenging times we are going through now.
Einstein is supposed to have said that “only a life lived in the service to others is worth living.” Clayton M. Christensen, the legendary business strategist, and the one we owe the abundance of "disruption" in the entrepreneurship scene, reflected at the end of his life that "the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched." At the end of the day, as egocentric and narcissistic as we all are, it is helpful for someone to constantly shout in your face that it is not about you! Maybe we just need more examples to show us how to implement this in our daily grind.
As we go through life, we are all struggling to define our purpose, let alone live by it. It is our first role as leaders to strive for a purpose-driven life, support our teams in their individual journeys to do the same, and provide them with an organization with a clear common purpose beyond profit-making.
Ultimately, to lead is to serve - our people, customers, shareholders, and communities. As difficult as this is, the first lesson in my father's last lecture was that this is all that matters.
May you rest in your eternal peace, Papi.
Have a spectacular week,
/M
P.S.: In the prophetic statement (hadith) mentioned above, descendant is not meant in the biological sense, but all people one cares for and serves.
P.P.S.: For everyone who is caring for a loved one through a difficult illness, please read this.
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