This article is part of a series about the importance of confidence and how to cultivate it. Read the other articles here
Play the game before you play it
Most of us are hard on ourselves. We have our moments of confidence but spend most of our lives criticizing and doubting ourselves. And we get jealous of successful bullshitters that get away with a lot due to their confidence.
So what can we do about this? Understanding the science of confidence might be interesting, but it remains useless if we do not use it to change our lives.
Rejoice, insecure overachievers. There is no overnight cure for self-doubt, but there are ways to increase our moments of confidence. We will cover some of that in the upcoming few articles.
Affirmations
Self-affirmation theory is a well-studied field of psychological research since the 1980s (recent examples here, here, and here). It relies on the concepts described briefly in our previous articles, and postulates that one way to get into the positive loop is to train ourselves to focus on the good in life.
But this is not just theoretical. The internet is full of entrepreneurs, businesspeople, and athletes explaining how they attribute some of their success to affirmations and positive visualizations. My favorite: Serena Williams, one of the greatest women’s tennis players of all time, uses affirmations as the passwords to her phone and computer.
Case closed, thank you.
But how does it work? One of my biggest challenges at the beginning is realizing what I should actually “affirm” to myself.
The first time I heard about affirmations was through Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert cartoons and one of the people that popularized affirmations over the internet. He swears by the simple habit of writing down his purpose fifteen times daily.
Every day, same thing, until it became a reality.
“Focusing on goals changes the person who is doing the focusing” – Scott Adams
This works for me in moments of big reflections, where I have enough time and solitude to reflect on my life. But I needed something else for my day to day, and googling affirmation examples didn’t help either. How many sleezy framed quotes can there be on Pinterest?
Instead, what I found especially useful is another habit borrowed from my glorious old times playing tennis.
Play the game before you play it
When my performance varied a lot, my coach stated the obvious: it’s all in my head. One of the things he recommended, and I later found out was widespread practice for mental toughness, was to mentally play the game before I play it. I would imagine myself winning the match, shot by shot, game by game. When I later entered the court, I was calm, ready to give it my all.
So, now, I ask myself every morning WWMD. What would the confident, competent, purposeful Mostafa I aspire to be, do today?
Spend the day before you spend it. Imagine how your ideal self would conduct itself at work, with your family, in all interactions. What would you say and do? What challenges will you face, and how do you want to react?
Be specific and align this vision with what you believe about yourself: your strengths, your values, your purpose. Remember the moments you were shining before and imagine yourself repeating them. This is a very personal exercise; it is not about becoming someone else but about seeing the greatness in yourself. You have it in you to inspire yourself much more than stories of others do.
Do not only go through the details rationally, factually, but also emotionally. What would it feel like to end the day on such a good note? What would it feel like to face these challenges confidently? What would it feel like to achieve these wins?
Then go out and do just that!
Make it stick
Affirmations should be a daily habit; the key is consistency. 5m daily is better than 30m randomly. Integrate it into your daily morning routine. Stick with it for a while, and you will start to notice its advantages.
Play the game before you play it. Imagine your best self, every day, and you will slowly become it. Focus on the red cars around you, and they will start popping up.
Don’t take my word for it. Try it out!
We’ll meet in the next article with another critical, yet trivial technique to start the positive feedback loop.
Have a spectacular week!
/M
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