This article is part of a series about the importance of confidence and how to cultivate it. Read the other articles here
Change the way you look at things
In my last article, I was ranting about how our newsfeeds are full of bullshitters. Many of you shared your frustration in your reactions, conversations, and private DMs.
But what can we do about it? Complain? Not productive. Fight it? Unlikely to cause a dent. Understand the dynamics to become more confident and effective communicators ourselves? A-ha!
Why is it that confidence is so critical for persuasion? Why does the confidence and conviction of the communicator change the truth behind what he is communicating? That’s like saying a terrible product becomes better if the packaging is good. What makes us fall for that every single time?
If we understand the dynamics that work for bullshitters, we will be able to learn to be more confident, and this confidence will help us be more successful. If you can’t beat them, join them.
To do that, we will first have to talk about red cars.
Red cars
You are thinking of buying a red car. Suddenly, you start noticing the prevalence of red cars everywhere. Are there suddenly more red cars around? Or are you just noticing them more?
This is called the red car phenomenon, or, more scientifically, selective attention bias or frequency illusion.
Our attention is a finite resource, we take in millions of data points through all our senses all the time. But there are limits to the information we can process and store. Our brain decides what to focus on, and what to ignore and filter out.
Historically, this was critical. Our ancestors were more likely to survive if they reacted quickly to the biggest threats in their environment.
The problem? This same mechanism that saved my ancestors thousands of years ago is now a cognitive bias, leading systematically to incorrect judgements.
We think we see the reality of what is happening. The truth is that we only see what we make our mind see - and overlook a lot of things. Did you start to notice more stories of corporate BS around you since you read our last article?
When we focus on something, we start to notice it more, and we start to believe that this is the reality.
This, in turn, affects not only what we know, but also what we do and the decisions we make.
Pecking orders and reinforcing loops
One of these "realities" we perceive is our position in the pecking order. For millions of years, our brains have been wired to identify where we are in the dominance hierarchy, and act accordingly.
If life has been good to us, and we think of ourselves as high in the hierarchy, our brain is high on serotonin. We are confident and courageous. We stand up tall, breathe better, and project status, confidence, and power. We think calmly and clearly, and welcome change because we believe it is an opportunity to improve our future. We expect luck, and therefore notice it in our environment more readily than others.
If, however, we think of ourselves as low in the hierarchy, our brain is high on octopamine instead. We are weak and demotivated. We slouch and send signals of submission and surrender even before any interaction begins. We grasp for whatever crumbs get thrown our way, because we cannot confidently expect good things to happen to us. We are not comfortable making some people uncomfortable, and therefore look for harmony at all costs – even if it means sacrificing our values.
The complication? Both loops are reinforcing. Winners are more likely to win, losers more likely to lose.
“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
This is not The Secret or some voodoo BS about how you can magically manifest what you desire. It is the secret behind the secret. These are actual sociological and physiological dynamics inside our bodies that lead us to make good decisions and collaborate well with others when we are confident, and lead to the exact opposite when we are not.
تفاءلوا بالخير تجدوه Hope for the best and you shall find it – Arabic saying
When we think of ourselves positively, we notice opportunities around us like red cars everywhere. They are not more frequent, we do not manifest them into existence – we just start to notice them more. Not only that, but also when others think of us positively, they start to notice our success like red cars popping around them as well.
Now what..
So what should we do? How do we become as confident as the master bullshitters? How do we get into the positive feedback loop?
Now that we understand the mechanics of how confidence affects our success, in the upcoming articles we will explore some pragmatic advice to get into the positive confidence loop.
Have a spectacular week!
/M
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